If you are shy, you usually think:
“I don’t know what %&$ TO SAY”
Your mind becomes empty. You have no interesting additions. No thought can contribute. There are no comments on this issue.
Here is what is going on…
There is a filter in your brain.
We all do it. Think about the coffee filter.
The elements of the osmotic filter, soil and water represent our thoughts…
… The result is coffee, which represents our words.
When an idea comes into our mind, our filter will decide:
- Yes, you can say.
- Otherwise, don’t say it.
There may be an overactive filter.
Therefore, nothing happened. It’s like having a coffee filter that doesn’t filter coffee. You filtered too many ideas.
This is a citation from Brad Brandon and his book, Radical Honesty regarding filtering.
Constraining others, but not telling us our feelings or thoughts, but making us imprisoned. The longer we stay in prison, the more we will reduce our thoughts.
– Brad Brandon
In other words, filtering puts us in jail.
In the long run, what happens is that you filter too much so that you no longer trust what you have to say.
Whenever you think of your own thoughts, you lose your voice.
Then what should you do?
Say freely what comes to mind.
(No, you think, but please read on.)
Bring your ideas to the outside world.
When you speak honestly and honestly, people will see the harmony between you and you and allow you to communicate with them in good faith.
At this point, I think maybe: “But I have no idea.” That is not true. I bet you have a lot of ideas. You are used to filtering them so much that you are not convinced that one is worth saying out loud.
What should I do when we bring us?
This is a 5-minute exercise (you can do it alone) that can help you stay in a state of speaking with others.
Simply put, a person should speak loudly. Your brain is used to expressing your thoughts.
- Find a private place.
Somewhere, no one will listen to you. Just like your room or car. The key is that you don’t care that others are listening to you.
- Free to speak
Ok, now only you and your thoughts. So let them flow. This is called the stream of consciousness.
All you have to do is say everything you can think of. Literally.
For you, this seems strange, you will notice that even if you are alone, you are taking care… but remember, only you, no one can listen to you, so please say everything you want! What we are doing here is that you can disable the filter.
- Do this for 5 minutes every day.
It takes at least 5 minutes a day. At first, it’s very difficult, you hate the sound, but as time goes by, it becomes easier and makes it easier to use up words.
- Record yourself (be brave)
record yourself speaking and review
This will make you feel awkward because it seems like someone is listening to you now. This is more real. But remember, you are always alone, so please consider this is the transition between your conversation with others.
You can use your microphone on your phone or computer. Continue and record your stream of consciousness for 5 minutes.
The more you do, the more comfortable you will feel.
As time goes by, you will find yourself starting to trust and even like the sound of your own voice.
with practice in social situations, it may be more difficult to not speak.